If you are reading this because you have experienced the loss of a baby, we would like to tell you how sorry we are for your loss. The loss of a baby at any stage of pregnancy is such a distressing experience, and we want to offer you the support you need.
Dorset Maternity Services have small teams of midwives who specialise in providing support and advice to those who have lost a baby, either during their pregnancy or after birth.
This is the name given to the loss of a baby during the first 24 weeks of pregnancy. Miscarriages that happen before 13 weeks are known as early miscarriages, and those that happen between 13 and 23 weeks are known as late miscarriages. Experiencing the loss of a baby at any stage is devastating – it doesn’t matter how far along the pregnancy was.
Everyone copes with loss differently – there is no right or wrong way to cope with miscarriage. It is completely normal to grieve and need support to get through this difficult time, but some women and their partners may not feel that they need additional support. This is entirely your choice – your Midwife will be there to support you and signpost you for any additional support you might need.
Unfortunately miscarriage is common, and thought to affect as many as 1 in 5 pregnancies. In most cases we don’t know exactly why a miscarriage happens, but it’s often due to chromosomal issues that mean the baby could never have developed properly. This means that it’s not your fault, and there’s nothing you could have done to prevent it. Most women who have a miscarriage can go on to have a healthy and normal pregnancy, but if you have experienced multiple losses, it’s a good idea to see your general practitioner (GP) to check whether there is an underlying problem.
- Symptoms of miscarriage can include:
- Vaginal bleeding
- Abdominal pain
- Abnormal discharge
- Loss of pregnancy symptoms
None of these symptoms mean that you’re having a miscarriage, but if you experience any of these symptoms, you should seek medical advice:
- before 13 weeks of pregnancy: contact your GP or Midwife
- after 13 weeks of pregnancy: call Labour Line on 0300 3690388
Miscarriage is usually diagnosed by an ultrasound scan, although you may need other tests. Sometimes you may need to stay in hospital overnight, but you can usually go home the same day.
On some rare occasions a baby born alive may die in the first few hours, days or weeks of life. This may be because they are born extremely prematurely, have known or newly diagnosed condition or illness and the baby is not expected to survive. Or this may be an unexpected death in the hospital or at home. Every situation is different. Babies who are born alive and die within the first 28 days of life are registered as a neonatal death.
The bereavement support midwives are here to support families during the first weeks and months of the baby passing away and can guide families to more long term support if needed.
Support and advice is also available from the following places:
This is the term for the loss of a baby after 24 weeks of pregnancy, and can happen before or during birth. Stillbirth is often linked to a problem with the placenta, which then causes issues with a baby’s growth, development and oxygen supply. There are other causes, such as pre-eclampsia, maternal haemorrhage (heavy bleeding), gestational diabetes, and other complications such as cord prolapse.
Experiencing stillbirth is traumatic for parents and their families, so we have specially-trained Midwives to help and support you. The Bereavement or Baby Loss Midwives will first make contact with bereaved families while you are in hospital. Both Poole Maternity Unit and Dorset County Hospital have secluded bereavement suites for women and their partners. Each suite has a special cooling cot for your baby, so your baby can remain with you during your stay in the Maternity Unit.
You will be given a pack which includes:
Contact numbers for bereavements midwives.
How to access specialist counselling.
Information on the book of remembrance held in Poole Hospital’s chapel.
Information and contact details for SPRING.
Practical information about financial support, preventing baby-related mail and so on.
The team will support you with memory making, such as taking hand and footprints, if you wish. They can also liaise with a medical photographer if this would be helpful for you.
Once women are discharged from hospital, you will still receive routine midwifery care. We arrange additional visits, depending on individual personal requirements, from your team midwife and a specialist bereavement midwife / baby loss midwife. Further support continues by phone, text or email, remaining personalised to your needs throughout.
Everyone is different and has different needs. The amount of support and contact you need might vary over time, so we are here when the time feels right for you. There is further information about additional support below. All the groups listed are informal and provide a safe, caring environment to listen and be listened to during this very difficult time.
Dorset County Hospital
Baby loss midwives: Call or text Tara Putt or Sophie Wilson on 07795 318318
We have a regular support group called The Forget Me Not Group, held on the second Monday of every month at the Children’s Centre in Dorchester. This is facilitated by the baby loss midwives, and we welcome any parent or family member who’ve experienced the loss of a baby.
There is also a private Facebook page that has been set up at the suggestion of the group members, which is a closed group and closely monitored by the midwives. Your team midwife or baby loss midwife can help you to join if you think this might be helpful.
The bereavement midwives from both hospitals work together to support you. The service is available 7 days a week, 9am to 5pm. To contact us, please phone or text the bereavement midwives on 07768 526514, 07887 992195 or 01202 263127. These are not emergency numbers, and messages will be returned at the next available opportunity.
SPRING (Supporting parents and relatives through baby loss) is a charity based at Poole Hospital who offer support and advice to those who have experienced baby loss. You can refer yourself to them for counselling, whether your loss occurred during pregnancy or after birth. SPRING also holds support groups, coffee mornings and memorial events which you might find helpful. You can find full details on their website or call their support line on 01202 448084
Poole hospital also has a chaplaincy service available to patients at St. Mary’s Maternity Hospital in Poole. This service is open to people of all religions, but you do not need to be religious to use this service – they will provide a confidential and friendly ear if you need to talk. There is also a hospital chapel which is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week as a space for quiet reflection, and there are religious services twice a week. You can call the chaplain’s office on 01202 442167 or ask a midwife to bleep them for you.
- Wessex Healthier Together has information and useful links for those facing the loss of a baby
- Sands is a national stillbirth and neonatal death charity. They offer information, a helpline, an app and lots of other ways of accessing support
- The Miscarriage Association offers help and support to those affected by miscarriage